Sunday, June 27, 2010

USA! USA! USA!

It's amazing to me how quickly people jump onto fads. This country is notorious for it. It's programmed into our everyday lives and there is a whole system that capitalizes on the fact that YOU will happily eat whatever bullshit that is served, as long as the package is pretty.

Take this whole World Cup phenomenon happening right now.

One month ago, you could give a fuck about soccer. (For that I applaud you). But, slap a little patriotism angle on it, and all of a sudden everybody's an expert. Countless Facebook status updates chronicled our historic run in the tournament, with such in-depth analysis as:

"Dear Ghana, be sure not to call us when you need money for your people all dying of AIDS, you stupid, poor assholes!"

"While you kick soccer balls, we run the world, Fuck you Ghana."

"Every time I hear the word Ghana, I think of gonorrhea!"

Riveting.

I mean, I get it. It's an excuse to get shitfaced and watch some type of sport on television. It's downtime before football season. But let's not treat it like we have any idea what is going on.

These soccer elitists in our country are the product of guilty baby boomers that tried to make up for spending their entire childhood in a drug induced haze. The soccer moms! The ones that had their children kicking around a soccer ball in a gymnasium of a YMCA in a desperate attempt to give their children structure, so they didn't end up giving hand jobs for cheese sandwiches in the streets of San Francisco like Mommy.

We shouldn't win the World Cup.

It's not our shit. Can't we leave some shit alone? Do we always have to get into shit?

Just sit back, play with whatever new toy the corporations have provided us, and wait for American Idol to come back on.

1 comments:

Mark Fletcher said...

Hey now... some of us grew up on soccer because we were simply too small for contact sports... and you know, good at kicking shit.