Err, um, hey. (soft laughter) I'm uh, Michael Cera. (nervous laughter) You probably already knew that, though! (Overly anxious awkward nervous laughter).
Hmm, ok.
Um, so i'm a uhh, movie star. Now I bet you're all like "H-h-hey mister.........h-how'd you become a movie star?" (self congratulatory awkward nervous laughter). W-Well.......I was, uhhh, on a show. Arrested Development.....(waits for you to nod)....hehe, there it is. OK. (soft, nervous, anxious, self congratulatory laughter) W-well on that show, I was able to showcase my talent and uhhh, "acting range" (soft, nervous, embarrassed laughter complete with air quotes) Yeah............
(nervously clears throat) So, ok.......um, well. Yeah, next I was um, in a bunch of independent movies, and whatnot. Then, boom. Superbad (over-anxious laughter, while waiting for your approving nod) Yeah, th-this guy remembers that one! (points to my camera guy followed by an extremely awkward silence) Ok. So. Ok.
(Awkward pause) I played a character, who, uhhh, you know, was a pretty soft spoken, polite, uhh, was put in awkward situations, that I, uhhh, you know, had t..to deal with and whatnot. (nervous laughter, followed by what I believe was a whispered "congratulations" to himself)
So, yeah. Then uhhh, Juno happened. I remember being all like "H...hey Gary, he's my agent, l...let's expand my acting chops." He was like "y..yeeah sweet." so. OK...(clears throat) I played a kid. This time I got to run track and wear a handband. P...prior to that point, I had never worn a headband on camera.......s..s..so I was pretty happy with Gary that day. (Soft nervous self congratulatory giggling followed by an even longer awkward silence and a short bathroom break)
Hey You! (nervous laughter) I'm back. S..so don't be goin nowhere. Hehe, Ok. So. Err.
Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist, hmm, ok so, this one I got to be an awkward, polite, overly nervous, high school kid, but this time I, umm, got to, uhh listen to Vampire Weekend. So, t...that was different. It showed off the side of my acting skills that show me listening to indie music. P..plus, i touched Kat Dennings boob....(overly anxious, creepy, laughter followed by more whispers to himself and what appeared to be an erection)
Next I uhh, really wanted to do a period piece. It was time. So, uhh, yeah....Year One. (waits for nod approval, that doesn't come) C'mon guy......it had Jack Black. W...we were cavemen. (nervous laughter followed by awkward silence, still waiting on the nod of approval....Steve, the camera guy caved and nodded.) Hehe, yeah, there it is. that guy right there...so(goes for a high five, left hanging.) Ok, well umm, so yeah. I was a nervous, polite, slightly awkward caveman, and uhh, just kinda hung out and uh........
THAT'S IT! GET THE FUCK OUT! YOU TALENTLESS FUCK!
(Awkward silence followed by nervous, uneasy laughter) But I thought I was here to, uhh promote my new movie coming out on Ju...
LET ME GUESS! YOU PLAY A NERVOUS, WORD FUMBLING, HIGH SCHOOL___________
B..b...but this time, I get to be a piano prodigy, m..my fans have never seen me play a piano yet in a movie......
GUNSHOT. TRANSMISSION CUT. STATIC.
2 comments:
In his latest movie, he plays a bumbling love struck twenty-two year old bass player. He also fights video game style against evil ex's. So... there's that. In the end he lives the easy life that you damn well know everyone wishes they had. Be nervous, bumbling, pathetic... make millions... bang... hang out... repeat.
damn you nailed that one MillerTime, he is as solid as my boy Keneau Reeves.
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