Resolution

How long has it been since your last confession?

First timer here, Father.

How old are you, my son?

28 years and 2 months.

I see. Well, what have you come to confess today?

I've killed a man, Father.

Er. Well. Yes. Perhaps, you should be talking to the authorities over this matter.

It's not what you think. It's sort of a metaphor, man.

Oh, whew, I see....please explain.

The man that I killed was me. I did this quite a while ago, and I have carried the guilt all these years. It feels good to finally admit this to someone.

I would imagine, guilt is a heavy cross to bear.

Yes it is.

I'm sorry, though, could you please explain?

Sure. A little over 10 years ago. I decided to burn every bridge that I had ever crossed. All the values and beliefs I had, I buried them with the body. I started doing things completely uncharacteristic of myself. I started experimenting with drugs and alcohol.....

Drugs and alcohol only pause life's problems, they are still present when you decide to push play once again.

A remote control analogy? Beautiful........OK, as I was saying. The deeper I got into this new hole I had dug for myself, the harder it was to recognize myself. I had lost all connections with the man I used to be.

So, you felt like you were dead....I see now.

But, that's not the worst part.

No?

No way. There were parts of me that resurfaced. These were traits that made me want to burn it all down in the first place.

What traits, my son?

The trait of caring for other people.

Well, most would agree that is an admirable trait for one to possess, why in the world would you want to lose that?

When you overly care for others, you forget to care about yourself. Your walls come down and you leave yourself vulnerable for attack.

Interesting. But, let's get to the root of this. Who has attacked you, my son?

All of you.

I'm not understanding.

For years, I have let everyone dictate the direction of my life in some way. I never really felt like I had control of it.....until now. I was concentrating so much on what they thought if I did this, or if I said this, would it offend this person? Or ashamed of the job I have because that person graduated the same year I did.

Do you have someone to help you through these times of darkness? Someone to shine a light to show you the way?

Like Jesus?

Yes, my son.

Oh, I gave up on that scam a while ago.

I see. Why are you here?

Cheaper than a shrink.

I see. Well, what about a girlfriend?

Haha, perfect question, Father. I have let every girl that has come into contact with me in the past 10 years walk all over me because I have made myself overly available. I play my hand way too early, even before I really know the person, because of this constant need to be with someone. I used to mistaken it for a lot of things. I used to blame the girl, and say things like "Nice guys finish last" and "Girls want a bad boy". In the end, they see through it, they sense desperation in me. Nothing will bring the panties up faster than desperation.

I'll write that down. Well what do you plan to do about this?

I hadn't really thought about it. I guess I could do the usual, sulk over a bottle of Jack Daniels until I pass out.

Alcohol is not the answer.

Agreed. I need something different this time. I need a gamechanger. I have been transforming myself physically, thinking that would do the trick, but there's a few things missing. I need to work on my structure. I need to establish some new rules. I need to work on the mind and soul.

I'm so happy to hear you say that. I'm glad you have finally found acceptance in religion. You have made a wise decision......

He never saw it coming....

2 shots fired into his head was all the response I could think to give over his stupid assumptions.

Sorry, Father, I think I might go down another path. Thanks for the suggestion, though.

As he walked out of the church, a sudden wave of calmness washed over him. Selfishness consumed him for the first time ever, and it never felt so good.