Album Review: Uncle Kracker - Happy Hour

September 19, 1973

Mount Clemens, Michigan.


Man drunkenly stumbles through the front door of his double wide trailer after a long night at The Pussy Pit, a strip club near the regional airport.

Man: Woman! Getcher ass outta the sack,(nearly vomits), and suck on my weiner.

Woman: We need to talk.

Man: How you gonna be talkin with my weiner in yer chops? On the knees bitch!

Woman:.......I'm pregnant.

Man: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

As the woman removed the boots from her husband and threw an old afghan over him, she looked in the mirror at her own reflection. It was as if God, Himself, was staring right back at her.....assuring her that the gift she was now carrying was responsible for the advancement of an entire civilization.

She couldn't have been more right.

Matthew Shafer, A.K.A Uncle Kracker, was given to the world on June 6, 1974.

They say the gifted tend to associate with others blessed as they are, for the sole fact that we, the meek, could not possibly fathom the trials and tribulations they must go through, just to tolerate us without wanting to stab us in the throat with an icepick.

This was clearly the case when Shafer crossed paths with Bob Ritchie. You groundlings may refer to him as Kid Rock.

For years, the duo made symphonies that would make Mozart's work on the same level as a macaroni picture made by your sister's down syndrome stricken 6 year old at YMCA day camp, you know, the day camp that doubles as a babysitter so she and Steve can attend their marriage counseling.

But I digress....

Happy Hour. The newest addition to an impressive catalog authored by Uncle Kracker. While I haven't heard this album yet, I'm sure it's just as awesome as his other work. It's not like I have to SEE or HEAR God to believe in Him, right???? Some things just ARE.

Walk with me, as I preview each track on the new album. Not by listening, oh no. The song titles alone will be riveting and tell a story far beyond any decibal of sound.


Track 1 : Smile

Kracker starts off the album with a simple, yet complex, message.......smile. He wants to create a mood of easiness, as if to say,

"Hey man, smile, grab a beer, i'm about to take you on a journey."


Track 2 : Another Love Song

While you're smiling, Kracker reminds you of his endless ability to write THE love song. Whether you are in a comitted relationship or trying to bang the blonde chick(who may or may not be 18) working at the S'Barros in the mall food court, love is a universial theme we all share as a human race.

Kracker is saying.....
"Hey, i'm not gonna bullshit you here, this is about as deep as i'm getting."


Track 3 : My Girlfriend

So far we are smiling, holding the ones we love, now Kracker's gonna tell us about HIS boo. And trust me, his chick is hotter than yours. He'll probably make a few tongue-in-cheek puns throughout the song about how hot she is. This may stem from guilt over the incident at her office Christmas party last year when Uncle Kracker got real drunk and stuck his dick in the office fishbowl and tried to swordfight with Tito, the office pet goldfish. He has had to do a lot of groundwork to repair the relationship, writing a song strictly for her might just be the first step in forgiveness.

In this song Kracker is saying....
"Sorry I violated your office goldfish."


Track 4 : Livin' The Dream

In this song, Uncle Kracker is going to remind us how sweet his life is. And what a sweet life it is...every few years he tells Randy, the assistant manager of "The Greasy Wheel", a car repair shop in Mount Clemens, Michigan, that he needs about 2 weeks vacation to go record an album and try to remind people that he used to hang out with Kid Rock.

In this song, Kracker is saying....
"Fuck you, Randy I still have sick days and I'm gonna use them."


Track 5 : Corner Bar

Alright! Time to drink! The obligatory drinking song probably highlights the dangers of sticking your penis in fish tank at your wife's office party without first checking for piranhas that office manager, Earl Watkins, picked up in one of his hunting trips along the Amazon Basin.

Uncle Kracker says....
"Them fish bit my dick!"


Track 6 : Me Again

Ahh, we are halfway through the album and just in case you forgot that he used to hang out with Kid Rock, this little chestnut should remind you. A good majority of listeners have probably bailed on him by now to watch the WWE or make a beer run. Perfect place on the album for a reminder of all of the awesome shit on the way.

Uncle Kracker says...
"Hey, don't leave yet! I'm just gettin goin! No....fuck you Steve! I still have 2 hours of studio time, they are gonna have to wait!"


Track 7 : Good To Be Me

David Hayes, VP of Atlantic Records, actually had to fly in to the studio and question Uncle Kracker's decision to have a second self congratulatory song, not only on the same album, but just a mere 3 tracks after the other one. The encounter was recorded.

Uncle Kracker: "Ooooooh yeah, It's gooooood to be meeeee! I know Kid Rooooooock! Cup the balls! Cup the balls! Yeaaaaah!.....

David Hayes: "Cut this shit! Stop! Fucking stop!

UK: Holy shit! David Hayes, Vice President of Atlantic Records! It's a pleasure!

DH: You. You son of a bitch. Really?

UK: I... I don't underst....

DH: We dug you up from that piss stain of a town and gave you money. We GAVE YOU money to come in here and write your bullshit, hacky, crossover country songs so that all these fucking soccer moms in this fading republic have something to hum along to when they aren't blowing their husbands. And you.....hahaha.....YOU! You come waltzing in here with your little song about how fucking awesome you are and how great your life is. You did this twice........

UK: I thought it would be a good dynamic for the album, show all my sides.....

DH: YOU'RE A FUCKING MECHANIC MATT! THE ONLY REASON YOU ARE HERE IS BECAUSE WE OWED A FAVOR WHEN THAT OTHER TALENTLESS FUCK, KID ROCK, TOOK 2 SHITTY SONGS IN THEIR OWN RIGHT AND MASHED THEM TOGETHER TO FORM AN EVEN SHITTIER SONG!!! BUT YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED?!? AMERICA IS FUCKING RETARDED!! THEY ATE IT UP!! BUT BEFORE I LOST FAITH IN HUMANITY, THE PAYCHECKS STARTED ROLLING IN!! SEE THESE??? THESE ARE THE KEYS TO MY JET!!! A FUCKING JET MATT!! AT LEAST HE MAKES ME MONEY!!! YOU TALENTLESS FUCK!! I HATE YOU!

That was the last Uncle Kracker ever saw of David Hayes.

In this song Uncle Kracker says.....

(Excessive weeping)



Track 8 : I Hate California

This was more or less a pity party Uncle Kracker was having for himself after the encounter with David Hayes, who resides from the state of California, it's considered to be one Uncle Kracker's darker songs.

Uncle Kracker says....

"David Hayes is a stupid head....(sob)....i have talent....(sob)..."


Track 9 : Hot Mess

Uncle Kracker once entered a hot dog eating contest at the Michigan State Fair. The next day he allegedly took a shit weighing in at 6 lbs 4 oz......this is his recollection.

Uncle Kracker says....

"State fairs are sweet!"


Track 10 : Hey Hey Hey

Unbeknownst to the majority of the population Uncle Kracker is a huge Fat Albert fan. He wrote countless emails to Bill Cosby, in hopes he would collaborate on the song. The emails were never returned, so the song is basically 3 minutes of Uncle Kracker trying his best to imitate Fat Albert.

Uncle Cracker says...

"Rudy, you like school in summatime....no class!"


Track 11 : I'm Not Leaving

This isn't so much a song. It's basically a recording of the 10 minute standoff that ensued at "The Chunky Style Music Studios" in Athens, Georgia during the recording of the album. Originally, Uncle Kracker had purchased 8 hours of studio time to make the album. The Jonas Brothers were in town that day and one of them had a really awesome idea for a song, so naturally they needed studio time to create their next opus.....problem was.....it was occupied by Uncle Kracker. Steve Sykes got the call from the Jonas Brothers, made an executive decison to end Uncle Kracker's session early. The engineer was told to keep the tape going.

Uncle Kracker says...

"Fuck you Steve! I know Kid Rock!"


Track 12 : Mainstreet

Once again, not so much a song. Uncle Kracker lost the arguement and was forced to leave the studio when the police were called to physically remove him. The last track on the album is mostly 1 minute of Uncle Cracker squeezing out farts into the microphone because he wanted the Jonas Brothers to smell it while they recorded. The album ends with the police finally tackling him to the ground.

I'm calling it now.....Album of 09.

For the Kids

That's it.

I really can't take it anymore.

I would like to address this generation of pussies that are right behind mine.

With your Miley Cyrus, and your Twilight books and movies, and your Jonas Brothers, and your having a cell phone in the 5th grade, and your thinking you listen to rock because you are into Daughtry, and your Twitter, and your ridiculous worship of people that have no talent, yet are celebrities, and your ringtone rap, and your countless MTV reality shows, and your American Idol, and your Hot Topic bullshit emo/goth phases, and your citing Green Day as your favorite band when you haven't heard anything before American Idiot, and your "sexting", and your faggy parents that sue everybody in the world because you fell down and skinned your knee at school, and your thinking Kings of Leon is an awesome NEW band because all the pop stations play them and they have pretty songs, and your pretending to be into the death of Michael Jackson when you only know the "molester ghostlady" Michael Jackson........

it truly frightens me that you are our future.

Lou Holtz Has Officially Gone Bat-Shit Crazy.

As much as it is a joy to watch him struggle to keep his teeth in his mouth during one of his Daffy Duckish rants, it's officially time to never let this man talk in public again.

This motherfucker has predicted Notre Dame to be playing in the national championship game against Florida this January.

This has gone way past "homerism". We are tip toeing into the twilight stages of what appears to be Alzheimers.

Reviewing Greatness : The Happening

I'm here today to share with you, my review of the greatest accomplishment in modern film. Undoubtedly the greatest movie ever created in the history of the world......ever.

I'm talking about M. Night Shamughlamadongdsjsa's 2008 opus, The Happening.

Oh sure, scoff. Go on, I'll even give you a minute to "get your scoff on"........welcome back, the movie still rules.

Many people thought that Shermalingfongwooa blew his load after The Sixth Sense. Many questioned his decision to have Detective John McClane die at the very beginning of a movie. But the son of a bitch pulled it off. We sat there, mere puppets in Shroomaghansaru's genius hands as he manipulated everything we thought we knew about the laws of film.

In essence, we were owned, and we've spent the greater part of the past few years trying to collect the blown pieces of our mind and put them back in our heads.

Then 2008 came along and Shwookalangdon dropped The Happening on us. Then, in a stroke of confidence never before displayed by a director, he casted MARKY MARK as a SCIENCE TEACHER in a LEAD ROLE of a DRAMATIC THRILLER. If you would, please google the word "balls". If you don't see the biggest pair ever beside Shrutayinghang's name, I owe you a Coke.



As I said before, Marky Mark plays a science teacher in this movie. His best friend, played by Luigi from The Super Mario Brothers Movie, is a math teacher at the school. We know he is a math teacher because EVERY LINE HE HAS IN THE MOVIE REVOLVES AROUND HIS PROWESS OF MATHEMATICS. He actually answers questions from others with statistical answers. I've never seen anyone so chubbed up over their career.

Anyways, so people are killing themselves for apparently no reason in parks across the country. They make sure Marky Mark highlights the fact that people are offing themselves in PARKS quite a few times. This is a literary tool known as foreshadowing. The subtleness of said literary tool was on the level of blatently feeling up the chick sitting next to you in class.




Marky Mark, Luigi, Marky Mark's boo, and some little girl, (i'm not quite sure what her deal was, I don't know if she was his daughter or what, I was kind of high when I saw this, sorry!), all hop on a train to get the F out of Philadelphia. They leave Philadelphia....on a train....to escape what they believe to be terrorist attacks. They believe terrorists are releasing an airbourne nerve toxin that somehow turns off the switch in your brain that handles you not killing yourself. While they are running away from Philadelphia, we see that this is happening all around the eastern United States.

And in awesome ways!

One dude lays down in front of a giant lawn mower, another gets fucking mauled by lions at a zoo! At this point, you are thinking that these terrorists are some real douchebags.

Then they finally kill off Luigi. He hops in some jeep with total strangers to go find his daughter or something and there's totally a hole in the roof of the jeep, letting all the airbourne toxins in. So this chick starts freaking out. Even in his final moments, they do not shy away from reminding you once again that he teaches math to 15 year olds.

When the chick freaks out, he calms her down by asking her MATH RIDDLES. I'm not joking. This poor broad's last minutes of life on this earth was spent trying to solve a stupid math riddle. I would have been making sexual advances at every chick in the jeep. You may as well go out with a smile.

Then they finally drop the bombshell on what is really killing these people. SPOILER ALERT! It's not terrorists at all! Apparently, all plantlife is super pissed off at mankind. Trees, grass, ferns, your mother's ficus plant, they are all together in trying to wipe out the human race.

The worst part of it all was the smug look from my hippie roommate Brian. Whatever Brian! At least I don't smell like a homeless dude's taint!

Anyways, this revelation set up one of the greatest movie scenes I have ever seen.

Marky Mark and his rag tag group of survivors find a house along their travels. They stop in for food and water. Then it happens.

Marky Mark asks permission from a house plant to use the bathroom. If you didn't see it, it went a little something like this.

MARKY MARK'S EYES DART ACROSS THE ABANDONED ROOM. HE NOTICES AN 8 FOOT TALL HOUSE PLANT STANDING MENACINGLY IN THE CORNER.



Marky Mark: Hey plant, hey how ya doin?

The Plant:...........

Marky Mark: Shh, no hey, it's ok, i'm a science teacher.

The Plant:.........

Marky Mark: I also produce the show Entourage.....you herda dat?

The Plant:.......

Marky Mark: Ok listen, we just wanna use the bathroom, and we'll be on our way, ok?

The Plant:.......

Marky Mark: Ok, i'm glad we had this talk.........say hi to ya mudda for me.

Then to break the tension it is revealed that the plant was plastic!! It wasn't even capable of kicking human ass! As a matter of fact, Marky Mark could have pissed ON the plant to save face but he chose to continue on his journey without making that statement.

So basically the rest of the movie details Marky Mark running away from wind, hanging out with hippies that love hot dogs, getting two kids killed by point blank shotgun blasts to the face while singing a classic rock tune, and shacking up with a crazy woman that kills herself by headbutting a house.

Pretty much standard stuff.

In the end, we find out that basically we are just a bad rash on the skin of our Mother Earth, humans are assholes, and if we don't want the plants to start a revolution and send pharamones into the air, causing us to kill ourselves in the most horrific ways imaginable, we have to buy a Prius.

We've All Been There

We've all been there.....

Balls deep in a fat chick when there is a rap at the door.

Now there is the uncomfortable task of trying to either wedge her out of your bedroom window or sheepishly try to appear drunk and confused enough to your roommates to garner a high five for your efforts.

And not a cool high five either....

I'm talkin' about the kind of high five your asshole roommate gives you when he thinks you are doing something epic because you like to party.

That high five is not applicable in this situation. You fell in love with her.

And dammit, you swore you would never do this again. There you were, eating nachos in the food court of the mall, her fat ass ran into your elbow as she tried to squeeze herself AND her Layne Bryant bags between the back of your chair and a trash can, spilling nacho cheese everywhere.

She jokingly called for the five second rule. At least you thought it was a joke. That was until she proceeded to attack the puddle of cheese not unlike a wolverine locked in a baby crib.

That was it. As disgusting as it was, it really got you going. An entire S'Barro's extra large pizza, three bags of movie theater popcorn with extra butter, and a quart of sweet and sour chicken from China Max later......there you were, back at your apartment fumbling for a bra strap in one of the cavernous fat rolls on her back, all while wanting to stab yourself in the ears because you told her you were into Lady Gaga, which prompted her to drag your ass to FYE so she could pickup some "mood music".

Yep.....we've all been there.....

Cleaning Out the Basement

As I was cleaning out my basement the other day, I ran into some old things from childhood. Probably the coolest thing that I found was an old, worn, box marked "wwf stuff".

I said "shit yeah", and continued to rifle through the box.

There it was.

A commemorative foam 2x4 replicated from the lumber that "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan would wear out the naysayers of "the american way" on any given opportunity.

I felt great power as i held it in my hands.

Even after all this time.....

It was magical.

I smiled and reflected on the bravery displayed by the World Wrestling Federation.

To give a mentally retarded man with an extreme view of patriotism a large plank of lumber and turn him loose for public entertainment.......well it was nothing short of ballsy.

The Other Guy From WHAM! Is a Dick

"Hi. I'm Andrew Ridgeley. One half of the 80's pop phenomenon Wham! And when I'm not rocking and rolling in the studio, i am rocking out for bicycle safety! Always ride FACING traffic. Remember to use proper hand signals when turning and always.....always wear a helmet. Just practicing these tips can provide you with a safer, more enj.......you know what Steve.....I'm sorry....I can't fucking do this".


Steve: Ah, c'mon Andy, you were nailin' it!

Andrew: No, no....I mean Jesus! Bicycle safety? Really?

Steve: Wha..What's the problem? Is it the script? We can make some minor changes if you feel...

Andrew: It's not the fucking script Steve! It's everything....It's you, it's me....it's the world, it's my fucking life!

Steve: Um, ok.....I'm not understanding here....should we take 5 or....

Andrew: Go ahead take 5, take 20 for all I care! It won't bring it back Steve, NOTHING WILL!!!

Steve: Bring what back, Andy?

Andrew: I was in WHAM! Do you realize what I have accomplished in my life Steve? What have you done that's so fucking important? You sit there with your ponytail and tie.....we're all REAL IMPRESSED Steve!

Steve: Ok.....I feel you are projecting something onto me....it was my understanding that we hired you to read this PSA.

Andrew: Oh right! Sure! Let's read the little warning to all the stupid kids so we can keep them alive long enough to grow up and have the world shit on their hopes and dreams!

Steve: Riiiight, ok, from the top, please.

Andrew: Hi, I'm Andrew Ridgeley, the other guy in Wham! I'm not famous like my bandmate George Michael, I guess with me not blowing guys in public restrooms, i'm not worthy of your love! Well fuck off! My only wish is that I could travel back to the days when I was a little bugger and neglect to wear a bicycle helmet, in hopes that i would fly over my handlebars and crack my fucking skull open like a pinata! Fuck you kids, fuck George Michael, fuck Wham, fuck you Steve, and fuck America, I'm done.

Steve: Alright, I think that is a good stopping point for the day. We'll pick up tomorrow around 9AM.

Erin Andrews......You Little Minx.

This one goes out to that Erin Andrews broad....yeah the little SQUEEZEBOX shakin' her ass all over ESPN. Apparently there is a new video sweeping the interweb of her struttin' around in her birthday suit in some hotel room. But unless you saw the video in the first 15 minutes it was released, you are shit out of luck! Apparently, if you do find it NOW, your computer will be hit with more viruses than Lindsay Lohan's ham wallet.

So, imagine my chagrin......pants around ankles.....light sweat on the forehead in anticipation of pure bliss of being only one click away from the culmination of my life, up to that point, and finding myself at a crossroad......make a mess of the keyboard....or make a mess of the hard drive.

I chose Redtube.

And now she's hitting all the necessary media outlets to express her surprise and shock that people aren't taking her seriously as a sports journalist.

Get the fuck out of my face with that bullshit! Have you looked in the mirror? You are fucking hot. Your main demographic is males 15 to 39, you are on a network that is a total sausage fest......then a nice piece of ass like you strolls along....lookin the way you do.....pretendin to know about sports.....it makes my little soldier stand at attention.

It's cute, really.

But sure! If that's what you need to hear.

"I totally respect you as a SPORTS JOURNALIST and stuff. Your knowledge of sports and the effortless way you pull statistics, seemingly, from thin air, makes me forget that I totally want to plow you."

There.

See? I'm not like the other neanderthals that salivate over you! I care about your feelings and stuff.

Asshole Facebook Friends Part 1

Before I kick this off, I just wanna say...I realize that most of what you are about to read is written by an aging, bitter, man.......so please feel free to point out the obvious in the comments section.






"THE CONSTANT UPDATER" FRIEND

This friend (for some reason) thinks it's a real swell idea to update you on every facet of their life. And thank Christ too, if I didn't have the daily schedule of some jerkoff I haven't talked to since high school downloaded into my brain, I don't know how I would get through the day. Usually they don't even have the decency to stop at daily activities.....no, no, no.....they want to share their observations and feelings also!


Example

Joe Nutfondler is taking a nap until 3, then it's off to the gym, fitting in a ham sandwich, then back to the crib to post up and watch LOST, then hittin the hay....love you baby!!


OR


Sally Slitlicker thinks it's crazy that tyler didn't come home from baseball until 10:30pm on a school nite..whoever did the schedule didn't pay attention i guess





Or what about.....




"POINTLESS APPLICATION" FRIEND

need a drink?
what's your pirate name?
what's your porn name?
join my mafia gang?
favorite color?
what's your name mean in Hebrew?
Latin?
German?
Swahili?
what bible verse would you be?
what type of sandwich would you be?
what character from sex and the city are you?
top 5 80's pop stars?
horoscope?
name these classic 80's sitcoms JUST by looking at the picture!
want to become a ninja?


SHUT THE FUCK UP.

Jesus Christ. I was just trying to sign on real quick to find that chick i was talkin to at the bar last night.




"GLOBETROTTING" FRIEND

"Hey look at all the super sweet places I can afford to visit because I turned in all my homework in high school"!




"LOOK AT WHAT FELL OUT OF MY PUSSY" FRIEND

I know, i know.......i shouldn't joke about the miracle of childbirth. It's a sacred thing, really. YOU and only YOU are very special for creating life, and it is your sworn duty to share with everyone just what it was.....that fell.....out of your pussy.

Calling All Cars

I know.....I know......what the fuck.....where you been? I swear I have a good excuse this time! If you have been reading this for the past few years, I would like you to go to www.myspace.com/shawnmiller11

That will link you to the radio show that I produce here in WV.....so If you have Myspace, please click on that link, friend me, and support the show. I update it regularly with bits from the show, shit that I can't air, and if you have been reading this blog since 2004.......you may notice some of the things you have read creeping onto the airwaves.

And yes, once I get that whole thing rolling, I will come, crawling like a bitch back to my master....Blogspot.

www.myspace.com/shawnmiller11 is the link.....PLEASE support the show.......love you bitches.

Get Ready for the Revival

He sees you when you're sleeping....

Hey Everybody!

Recently, Lindsay Lohan has been in the public eye......no, not with her head floating in a puddle of puke on Santa Monica Blvd....but now she's getting political! That's right. What's the first thing you do when trying to clean up your image? You show people that you care about stuff....and stuff. She is saying no to Sarah Palin. While I don't give a fuck about politics, myself......(it's a revolving door of shitbags if you really want my opinion)....but if you are smart, you shouldn't care about what I, or Ms. Lohan have to say about the subject.

Hey Lindsay.....how can I put this nicely? I would steer away from political banter, because quite frankly.....you are a coke whore. I have never seen CNN pitch the conversation on Political Strategies to a coke whore. But, then again, I don't watch much CNN. The problem with a coke whore expressing her "like" opinions on "stuff" is that coke whores don't have the best ideas that help the greater population.....the everyman.....Joe Public.

Let me give you an example.

John Smith is a corn harvester in Omaha, Nebraska. He plows the field all day to support his family and put food on the table. (I bet they're having corn.) He kicks back at the end of a long day, cracks open a nice cold one, and gets ready to watch Monday Night Football. Broncos, Chargers.

As he stares into the television he begins to wonder why he's seeing no football.....oh it's because a coke whore thought it would be "super cute" to get rid of Monday Night Football and replace it with a reality show about a group of inner city high school friends that begin making clothes for dogs to raise money, so they will not be denied their senior prom due to the lack of funding from the state.

The point is, coke whores mind's are not in key with everyone. The majority of the population care about taxes, family, healthcare......not sucking cock for their next fix. Thank you.

Turning downtime to UPtime!

Big things are in motion right now, I figured I would drop in and do an update post to let you know what the hell I've been up to.

As some of you may know I recently started working at a radio station and now I have access to a lot of cool toys that I have learned how to use......basically what this means is that I have a lot of downtime at work, so I have decided to turn that into something productive and I am going to start producing my own radio show that will be exclusive to friends via CD. This will basically be kind of a trial run while I learn the equipment, but I hope to soon include it with this site. Stay tuned....

Who You Rollin With?

Los Locos - Short Circuit 2



These guys have my vote for the most awesome street gang ever. The Los Locos Brotherhood reached it's apex in the 80's. Focusing more on their musical abilities, rather than "stabbing a bitch", Los Locos ruled the streets of New York with a limp fist.




Zed and his Fellowship of Ruffians - Police Academy 2



Zed was the master of the "screamdown". Apparently his vocal cords are the equivilant to 8 punches in the face, 4 kicks to the ribs, and a large, cumbersome object jammed into the anus. Sweetchucks never stood a chance.



Cobra Kai - The Karate Kid



Most people like to revel in the "awesomeness" that was Cobra Kai in the 80's. I, however, am on the other side of the fence when it comes to these guys. Seriously, did you see how fast Bobby pussed out and showed mercy? Sensei John Kreese would have flipped his shit had he been present. Then to get rolled by an 87 year old Okinawian immigrant? Fuck you Cobra Kai.


The Warriors - The Warriors



I think the clip pretty much explains my opinion.


The Purple Falcons - Ace Hits the Big Time (A 1985 CBS After School Special)



The Purple Falcons didn't fuck around. Armed with jazz hands, sequins denim jackets, and even a cake montage, they ran shit.